Briefly

I was born into a large non-religious family, the last of thirteen children, living on a rice farm in Guyana in the mid-late 1960s. There was no electricity or running water, the river which ran in front of our house was our mainstay. I learned to fish, swim and canoe in that same river. My childhood days were the happiest (11yrs). I was carefree.

I left home early, (days shy of my 12th birthday) to attend high school in the suburbs because there was none near home. Culture shock, being away from my parents, living with a brother, his wife and child and a few negative experiences with them led to my withdrawal within my shell. A shell I remained in until my conversion many, many years later.

In high school, we were taught evolution. I remember one day my best friend and I debating evolution versus creation. I was the evolutionist!

I met my future husband in high school. It was from him that I received my first Gospel tract. It made no sense to me because I was an atheist/agnostic. I was exposed to Eastern beliefs and Islam as a child. Even then I recognized something wrong with religion. Why would a God who lacks nothing want offerings of flowers or food, etc?

My husband was a Catholic but he had a belief system of his own. He embraced Rastafarianism, witchcraft and Eastern beliefs.

My abusive marriage ended predictably, however, it was while I was married that I one day became distinctly aware of the existence of God as a Person(ality) and that it was possible to actually KNOW Him.

That was a very rude awakening for this atheist/agnostic because it made several things clear to me.

1. I was accountable to this God.

2. I knew I had done bad/wrong things.

3. I knew there was a hell and judgment.

4. I didn't think this God wanted anything to do with me, except to see me in hell.

5. I knew I needed to be saved from this inevitable hell.

6. I knew I needed forgiveness but didn’t know how to get it.

7. I was terrified of dying because death/dying meant facing God and I knew I wasn't ready to face Him.

Once on my own I set out to seek the truth for myself.

I looked at all the major religions but they couldn’t help me because I needed life, not religion. I was dead inside and I knew it.

By now I had read the Old Testament, the four Gospels and the Book of Revelation but I still wasn’t saved. The letters of the Apostle Paul seemed to be the writings of one man's opinion. The Christian church didn't seem to be any better either.

I looked at Hinduism where I found a lot of human knowledge and enlightenment but I couldn't find anything about death, hell and judgment or forgiveness, because that religion believes in re-incarnation, until one gets it right (through their good works), then they escape the cycle. I rejected re-incarnation because I had no intention of returning to this hell-hole called earth.

I kept searching, looking. I was open to all truths. I looked at Islam but the Qu'ran made no sense to me. Buddhism taught reaching the state of Nirvana, it did not teach the existence of God. Mormonism taught that God was once a man. As man is, God once was, and as God is, man will become. The book of Mormons made no sense to me either. The Jehovah Witnesses came to my door too. They couldn't answer some of my questions because their teaching contradicted the clear teaching of even their own scriptures, so I moved on.

I kept looking, searching. I was looking for THE TRUTH and nothing but so help me God. I had no intention of settling for anything less than the ABSOLUTE truth. I don't think I could have even if I wanted to. I had a deep desire for TRUTH, I love truth and despise lies with a passion.

Then I met a guy who called himself a Born Again Christian. It was from him that I first heard about the Person of The Holy Spirit and the music of Keith Green. I read the book on Keith's life, "No Compromise". That, coupled with the lyrics from his music awakened a deep hunger and thirst in my heart for God.

I wrote to Keith's ministry and ordered the tracts they offered. (For free downloads of the tracts visit www.lastdaysministries.org and follow the links). Those tracts were like sermons on paper, challenging, convicting and comforting. For the first time in my life I began to see the TRUE nature and character of God.

Then Gary crossed my path. Gary, a drug, alcohol and tobacco addict, and self-proclaimed, "Sinner". Gary preached. He had a pure gospel. He preached a gospel I had yet to hear from a pulpit. Gary preached and I received (God can and does use anyone to reach His lost children). I came under great conviction. I felt the burden of my own iniquity and I couldn't bear it.

I had to surrender my life completely to God. I didn't want it anyway. It was a life filled with failure and sin. But I was afraid. All my life I had been lied to and abused by the people I had loved and trusted the most, now I was expected to put my life into the hands of Someone I couldn't even see.

I was fearful, even though that someone was The One. I had blamed God for the demise of my marriage. Now I was shown that I was wrong to blame God. I cried for days, tears of (Godly) sorrow, repentance. I told the Lord I was wrong to blame Him, I told Him I didn't want this life. Then it happened – He gave me His life. When I literally surrendered all to Him, I thought surely I would die now. Instead, I received the indwelling Christ - The Holy Spirit. A very intense period of communion with the Lord in His presence followed.

I was very conscious of the presence of both the Father and Son, and the Son making intercession on my behalf, while the Holy Spirit worked on me to restore and renew my spirit. As my sins were brought to remembrance, (by the Spirit) and I acknowledged them in their presence, I received pardon from the Father.

Over the next few weeks, the tears kept coming. This time they were tears of healing. The Lord spoke to my heart words of comfort and reassurance. He ministered such words of comfort and grace (immense and undeserved respect), that I felt incredible peace. A peace I never knew existed. I felt clean, brand new. And I didn't want to stay here any longer because I was afraid that if I continued here I would sin and grieve the Holy Spirit away and I didn't want to do that. Every morning I would wake up and thank Him for the precious gift of His life inside me. Then I'd turn right around and ask, "Why am I still here?"

That was February 1996. By April, 1996 I was volunteering with the Salvation Army. I have been in prison ministry with the Salvation Army since October, 1999. Not just saved onto good works, but saved to do His work. The Lord leads, I follow. I look forward to whatever the Lord has in store for me to do. I serve my God with fear and trembling. The Apostle Paul said, "Work out your salvation with fear and trembling." Funny how Paul's letters seem to be the most intellectual I've ever read now. I no longer see them as one man's opinion.

And while the church is full of iniquity (there are many who think that they are saved and are not), I have some Christian brothers and sisters with whom I fellowship. I would go crazy if I didn't have my fellow believers to share the Love of Jesus with. We uphold each other in this cruel world we live in, trying our best to reach others with the Gospel of Christ. I don't understand how people can live without Jesus. When I was living without Him, I was really dead. Now that He lives in my heart, for the first time in my life I AM alive. I have a peace in my heart that is beyond comprehension.

Life is still hell down here. We live in a body that gives us fits. People around us want to steal our joy and peace. But I tell ya, we have a hope and a future that no one can take from us. Seeing our Lord face to face and spending eternity with Him. What a future!

Finally, I do not know you dear Reader. I do not know what was done to you or what you have done to others. God knows. I do not know the cause of your pain and disappointment but I know pain, we all do. Pain is a condition of the human existence no one is immune to it. Yet so many have walked away from God because they don’t understand this problem of pain.

Albert Einstein that great genius is among those who turned their backs on God. Einstein with all his intellect could not understand how a loving God could allow such suffering in the world. And indeed, pain and suffering makes no sense at all until you look at the person of Jesus Christ and what he suffered. I do not know of another answer to pain than that of the person of JESUS. If only Einstein knew his own Jewish Messiah, if he only knew Jesus, he would have understood.

If today you would humble your heart before God and acknowledge your sins and turn from them, He will forgive you. He delights in this. The one thing God will never do is make that choice for you. He gave you the ability to choose so that you can come to Him freely of your own will. That’s why you’re not a robot.

Maybe you are bitter at Him, like I was, for what was done to you by others. Just know that even after you forgive them, the ones who hurt you won't get away with it. Give them over to God, He will avenge you. How do I know this? Because God said, "Vengeance is Mine I will recompense (repay)." That is a sure promise you can take to the bank.

The question is will you believe God today? "Now is the day of Salvation, now is the day to repent." Tomorrow may never be yours. It is written, "There is no sanctification in the grave." If you live a life without a thought or care towards God, what makes you think that after you die you will suddenly develop this passion for God and His righteousness? Will you be comfortable in heaven if you are uncomfortable about God and the things of heaven now? If in your pride and arrogance you reject God, what then? What choice do you give Him if you reject Him now, except for Him to reject you on the day you are made to stand before Him in judgment?

"Be not deceived, God is not mocked, whatsoever a man (person) sows, that shall he reap." The choice is yours. Choose wisely. So you will have no regrets throughout eternity. You want to be able to stand before God on that Great Day, Judgment Day, without shame and with great joy. To stand before Him as your Saviour and not your Judge. That should be your one goal in life. The salvation of your soul. Where will you spend eternity?

The most important decision you will have to make in life is what you will do with Jesus, because He died and rose again for, and because, of your sins. Do not be afraid. I learned that my fear of punishment by God kept me from trusting Him. That and the lies about His true nature and character had kept me from trusting Him. Satan is a liar. He accuses us before God and he accuses God before us, to create strife between God and us. He succeeded in the Garden of Eden and he is still succeeding today.

Jesus came and went and left us the Spirit of Truth so that we may know the truth that will set us free. I set out to seek the truth and when I found It I was set free by It. The Holy Spirit is the Spirit of Truth. He reveals God's truths to us. That is how we know that God's Word is sure and true - His written Word (the Bible) and His living Word - Jesus.

Truth is a Person (not a religion) and His name is Jesus. Do you know Him as your Lord and Saviour today? Or do you just know about Him? Where are you going to spend forever? Do you know that you can actually know if you have eternal life? The scripture says, “It is Christ in you, the hope of glory.” You can know.